Good English (freelance)

Lockwood de Forest Museum Tours (pro bono)

2011-07-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

CHILD
Long ago, there was the oldest, most beautiful pirate ship in all of New York city. Pirate Lockwood de Forest and his team of Triple elephants and hundreds of Indians secretly moved the massive pirate ship into his neighborhood. Black, with Indian wood carvings of birds and flowers, the ship was home to Pirate Lockwood. He was a tall New Yorker with thick bushy hair from ear to ear and walked the neighborhood with a long steel blade by his side. Of course, history will not tell you this. But, I tell you the truth. Pirate Lockwood loved New York and loved the sea. But in 1800's Greenwich Village, it was against the law to have a pirate ship or any ship in New York city. It's still true today. But Lockwood was smart. When the city was sleep and the moon was bright, he and the Triple elephants would sneak the ship into the city piece by piece. Little by little. And to hide their deeds, Pirate Lockwood made the ship look like a house. 200 years later, the ceiling and the stern or back of the ship are still here in New York city.

ADULT
Other than dressing like a pirate, Lockwood de Forest most resembles the actor Zach Galifianakis. Pale skin. Thick bushy hair from ear to ear, he was an artist and designer of the day. Before Punk rock. Before the hipsters. His Greenwich Village neighbors would have been awestruck to see a 2nd floor protruding oriel window with its intricate filigree and relief carvings of birds and flowers. The real housewives of 1800's New York city, if you could imagine, would have had plenty to gossip about. What kind of name is Lockwood? What is a filigree? And, why is he wearing a sword? Inspired by his wedding trip to India, De Forest decorated the facade of the 7 E.10th Street home with low relief carvings and created a spectacular Indian Wood ceiling both produced in a Ahmedabad factory. Introducing Teak wood to Manhattan was exotic and later earned the De Forest home, "The Most Beautiful Indian House in America".

Pro bono Livingsocial.com (email advert)

2011-07-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

How you can be one of Jerry's kids? Poppy Restaurant owner Jerry Traunfeld wants you to eat your veggies. Fresh, seasonal and served in pint-sized bowls, the 10-item Vegetarian Thali is chock full of nutritious dishes to build strong bones and muscles. Speaking of muscles, big strong farmers close to Poppy hand pick the carrots, the cucumbers and the bing cherry pickles. Pickles are Fun. And you know what rhymes with Fun? Rum. Enjoy $25 for $50 of Food and Drink. Clean your plate and you can play in the garden.

Diet Coke

2011-06-27T11:58:00.001-07:00

HipsandCurves.com (product descriptions)

2011-06-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Wiggle. Wiggle. And wiggle some more as galloping fingertips race across the laces of this satin jacquard corset. For a moment, they stop, tug and release your unbridled fantasy. The strength and support of the underwire cups could no longer contain your womanly wows. A deep penetrating gaze trips over the adjustable straps and garters landing softly at the center of the matching G-string.

Standing in line, she ponders, wonders and agonizes for what seemed like hours. “Why didn’t he kiss me?” The residue from the night before sticks to her memory. With out apology or concern, she begins to adjust her garter. One of the six hooks, hiding beneath the veneer of her day job, had become undone. She hikes up her skirt. “I tossed my hair,” she mumbles. A small corner of her black patent G-string screams for attention. To everyone, she is invisible. Her phone rings. On the other end, a voice simply says, “Can I see you tonight?”

The spicy nature of her relationship was legendary. Every New Year’s, Jax would throw a little “Bam!” into the vat of love she shared with her beau. This year, black satin was the secret ingredient. Hugging the curves and shadows of her petal soft skin, she chose a strapless corset that flirted with his boiling point. It had spaghetti like strings up and down the spine that gave his nimble fingers a partner to dance with. Jax and her beau had a very hot new year.

As the ball fell, so did her expectations. Every new year’s eve was the same. “I love you honey” and a kiss. Jax clung to the idea that 2007 was gonna be different. Her confidence, textured in black satin, hugged the curves and shadows of her petal soft skin. Come hell or high water, his hands would untie the black spaghetti like string that tamed her passion. “This year I’ll ask him”, was her New Year’s Resolution.

The night before was like no other. James Brown dripped from the speakers. Shrewd joy danced between swirvy columns of hard, soft and the occasional very soft body. Jax was her name. Available was his. Again and again beads of sweat disappeared behind the tenderness of her black leather corset. This was her weapon of mass devotion. Jax named it “Lucile”. Desi and Lucy were the polaroid of love. And on this nite, her blouse with the opacity of a Macon county screen door, was set to stun. He was THE catch. Before long, she knew that Lucile and a flute or two of Dom P. would wash away his inhibitions. This New Year’s, they were Siamese. Joined at the hips.

The magazine butterflied as it crashed against the mirror. Entrails of subscription leaflets fluttered to the sticky floor. Two mile-high litres of Polish Vodka caught and cradled the glossy remains. ALL LIES. ALL EYES. ALLIES she began to scribe on the slick veneer of the hotel bar. No worries thought the barkeep; she only uses lipstick no. 43. It’s organic. And Claire was infamous for having a tube or two tucked in the lacy corner of her 38 double-Ds. This time was no different. Soap and water, again, will erase her memory.

Hips and Curves sells lingerie for plus sized women. They hired me to write product descriptions for their online catalog. HipsandCurves.com

Northern Neck Ginger Ale

2011-06-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

PETA

2011-06-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

Stopping to let my pet Dragon take a S.H.I.T.

I S.H.I.T. where I Eat

3 days I work for a S.H.I.T. Company

Sushi-To-Go

2011-06-25T19:04:00.001-07:00

The Draft Sports Bar & Grill

2011-06-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

The Draft Sports Bar & Grill

Seabury & Smith Insurance

2011-06-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

VOB Saab

2011-06-25T18:52:00.001-07:00

Sue Bee Honey

2011-06-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

MetaTrack Studios 1999

2011-06-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hello, I'm DJ (insert ego here)


Teach you how to spin records, Yeah! Help you decide on a ridiculous Dj name, No!